Becoming A Listener
You are in a conversation. Your customer is telling you a story and makes a wise crack as part of the story. Something is sparked in you. You have the perfect witty comeback! It will crack up the room! It will ease the tension and even potentially enhance relationships.
The problem is that she is still talking. You will have to wait for a breath break to let it fly. You cannot wait to make the group laugh. You are practicing the one liner in your mind and waiting for the perfect timing. How much time will you have to wait…
Listening
Many people listen with the intention of replying. While the other person is speaking they are contemplating what they will say next. The problem is, when they listen to respond, they actually are not listening to the people with which they are speaking.
Effective communication requires active listening, or listening to understand. Active listening has the person speaking experience being heard. It is only when someone experiences being heard that they will truly feel like the conversation was worthwhile. Effective listening is a practice and requires empathy.
We know that breakdowns in communication aren’t good for business. Listening as a practice should be placed in high priority. Empathy comes into play as we seek first to understand the speaker from their perspective, not ours. Empathetic listening means putting ourselves into the speaker’s shoes, without judgment, with openness, and for the sole purpose of understanding their perspective.
When we allow ourselves to listen with empathy and without judgment, we will create a flow of communication that will open doors that may have never otherwise been opened. This will allow us to learn and experience things that otherwise would be impossible. We need only to listen to seek understanding in order to enhance our communication.
An old Native Indian proverb states “listen or your tongue will keep you deaf.”
Stephen Covey in his acclaimed book the Seven Habits for Highly Effective People has a habit dedicated to listening, Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood.
Lululemon athletica’s manifesto proclaims “listen, listen, listen, and then ask strategic questions”.
Bix Bickson, the Director of Mojo at institute B once said to me that the three best words used in relationships are “Really?”, “Hmmm”, and “Interesting”. Words you say when you are listening. He promised that if you listened until your conversation partner experienced being heard, you would know exactly what to say.
By Darrell Kopke
Did you like this article?
To see more inspired content we’ve collected for you, sign up for our newsletter here: